


What's Two More?

by thebrightestbird



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 19:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4031956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebrightestbird/pseuds/thebrightestbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint really wants to adopt the Maximoffs. Laura isn't so sure. Pietro and Wanda couldn't care less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's Two More?

“No.”

“But –”

“Clint, NO!”

“ _Why not?_ ”

“Clint, there are so, so many reasons why we cannot adopt these two.” Laura flails her arm in the direction of the twins. Pietro is fascinated by the toy train on the floor. Wanda uses her powers to move the locomotive for her brother. He giggles and claps like a toddler.

“But they want us to adopt them. Wanda, tell her.”

Wanda shrugs. “My home country is a shadow of what it was because, let us be honest, no one wants to live in a place that was at one time ripped from the earth and flown around like a balloon. The chances are small that it would ever happen again, I know, but it is just not the same there. Has this farm ever been overrun by murderous robots trying to use it as a meteor?”

 “…No,” Laura answers.

“Then I could stay here.”

Clint is practically glowing. He ruffles Wanda’s hair in appreciation.

“Okay … ” Laura still isn’t convinced. “Pietro, what do you think?”

Laura suddenly notices the young man isn’t where she last saw him. Then, suddenly, he’s back. With the kids’ candy bowl.

“I am sorry. What was the question?” he asks while still chewing taffy. He motions the bowl toward his sister in offering. Wanda takes a Hershey’s Kiss.

Laura rolls her eyes. “Do you want us to adopt you and allow you to stay here?”

Pietro looks at Clint, who is mouthing “say yes” and nodding his head vigorously. “I did get shot with possibly 20 bullets while protecting this man. He kind of owes me.”

“ _What?!!!_ ” Laura practically screams. “Clint Barton, did you almost die and not tell me again?!”

Clint looks sheepish. “I did insist on giving our child Pietro’s name. Thought you’d figure out why.”

“You said it was the current fashionable name in Eastern Europe and would make him a more culturally sensitive human being.”

“None of that is untrue, so you can’t be mad at me for omitting some other reasons for his name.”

Pietro is really touched and smiles broadly. “Barton, I am honored you would name your son after me. Can I meet little Pietro?”

“Well, his middle name is Pietro. His first name is Nathaniel.”

His smile quickly disappears. “That does not count.”

“What do you mean that doesn’t count? That totally counts, you brat. It’s legal and everything.”

Wanda snickers. “Oh, Clint. As honors go, middle names are not the best. Everyone knows that.”

“Once we adopt you two, everyone gets the name Barton. You’ll be _family_ , so forget the damn middle name already.”

Pietro scrunches his face. “Maybe not giving your son my name as his first was for the best. Pietro Barton sounds terrible.”

Laura and Wanda nod in agreement.

“Fine! Everyone keeps their names. Name changes aren’t required for adoptions anyway.” Clint turns to Laura. “I’m going to start knocking down the south-end wall to build an extension for the twins’ room.”

“Clint, I still haven’t agreed to adopt them.”

“But you’ve always wanted twins,” Clint reasons.

“This,” she again flails her arm in Pietro and Wanda’s general direction, “is not the same. And you know it.”

“Wait until you hear what they can do. I’m telling you, this is going to be even better than having sex and creating them from scratch.”

The twins cringe in unison.

“Pietro has super speed. We will get every chore done before we even needed them done. And Wanda can move stuff with her mind. Picture it: all of the crops can be harvested without lifting a finger. We will finally beat the Murphy plantation.”

“We’re not a commercial farm. Why do you keep insisting we ‘beat the Murphy plantation’?”

“Because Jack Murphy is practically a super villain. He needs to get taken down a notch.”

Meanwhile, Pietro’s eaten all of the candy. Apparently, even his sugar-rush jitters are super speed. He’s a blur without leaving his spot on the couch. Wanda has found amusement in playing with their daughter’s dolls with her powers. Malibu Barbie and Cheerleader Barbie are making out. Laura tears her eyes away before Ken gets in on the action.

“Clint, honey, they can stay here. Of course, they can stay here. But why do you keep insisting on adopting them?”

Clint looks at her very seriously. “Tax breaks.”

(Along with adopting the Maximoffs, Clint and Laura also eventually have fraternal twins the old-fashioned way. The boy still doesn’t get the first name Pietro.)

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> I write the strangest stuff, I swear.


End file.
